COMMITMENT

“A man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, ‘Son, go work today in the vineyard.’ And he answered and said, ‘I will, sir’; and he did not go.
“And he came to the second and said the same thing. But he answered and said, ‘I will not’; yet he afterward regretted it and went.
“Which of the two did the will of his father?” - Matt 21:28-31a

We all recognize the answer to this question. The second son met the commitment and did the will of his father.

But there is another facet of this story which bears some discussion. The first son did not meet the commitment – not only to his father, but also to himself. He proved his word could not be trusted. He did not value his word to himself or to his father.

You wonder what came up that was so important that he could not make his commitment. Did he have an appointment he had forgotten about? Or a date with the neighbor girl? Or he just wanted to go for a swim in the local river because it was hot?

Regardless of what the excuse he failed to meet his commitment, to his father … and to himself.

What commitments have you made that you have failed to meet? I am sure you had a good excuse, we all do.

Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the Lord your God with your own mouth. – Deut 23:23

We make too many commitments and then use them against one another as excuses. You have the choice, you make your commitments. Sometimes you are requested to make a commitment, but you still have the choice.

Rather than prioritizing before we make a commitment, we want to please, or to not disappoint so we make the commitment. But we set up the disappointment to follow when someone is really depending on our results to complete their project.

The next step in this spiral is you are no longer trustworthy. You are given fewer and fewer opportunities to try to reestablish the trust. You stay within a box of trust and mistrust, commitment and non-commitment, bouncing off the walls.

Breaking this spiral is always difficult … but doable. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” We use this as an excuse. But we can change. We can start to meet our commitments and reestablish trust. It is never too late in a relationship unless both parties shut the door and walk away.

I am not saying it will be easy. Breaking old habits is not easy. But you can do it. You established the habit you have sometime after birth. You can reestablish a new habit as well.

Be like the unseen third son in the parable above, make the commitment and keep the commitment … and then bring along a gang of friends to help.